The majority of children today come from broken homes, splitting their time between their parents. We know that it is extremely important for children to have a loving and open relationship with both parents. Lately, I am seeing a lot of Unconscious Parenting meaning parents that are not choosing to be Consciously aware of how their actions affect their children.
Parenting is one of the most important roles we can take on. We have an obligation to raise our children in a loving environment. Conscious Parenting is the ability to see how your choices affect your children and allows them to have a say in their day to day lives. When we are not doing this, we have a very negative effect on our children and their relationships with us and with others.
When I divorced, I made a choice to commit to Conscious Parenting. I chose to be honest with them about my choice to divorce their father, I told them that I was in love with another, even though I knew that it might affect the way that they saw me. I chose to tell them that I would always care for and love their father, but that we just weren’t able to be together anymore. I stressed the fact that we BOTH love them and that we were both trying to do what we felt was best for them and for each other.
I work very hard towards Conscious Parenting so that my kids know that I will be open with them and that they can be open with me. Billy (my fiance) and I have always made it an absolute point to have open friendly conversation with the father of my children. Billy and my ex have always known one another and had communication with each other. I have ensured that they have each other’s phone numbers and Billy will occasionally initiate contact with their father if he feels it necessary. I have always encouraged this relationship because I believe that it is good for our children to see that we are open and friendly with one another.
Conscious Parenting means that you choose to make the best choice for your children regardless of the inconvenience it may cause you. It means that you encourage your children to talk to BOTH of their parents openly and honestly. You encourage your partners to create a comfortable and supportive environment. You do not bad mouth or speak negatively about EITHER parent and you don’t allow anyone else to do that either.
Conscious Parenting shows our children that even in difficult situations we can choose to put aside our differences and work together towards a common goal. It shows that both parents are invested in giving them the best life and the most opportunities. When we are not doing this we see it play out negatively in the lives of our children.
When we are practicing Unconscious Parenting, we are not thinking about how our actions are affecting our children. We begin to say and do inappropriate things in front of them and this begins to cause problems in their relationships with BOTH parents. They become angry at the parent who is being Unconscious and they do not feel that they can have an honest open relationship with EITHER parent. When we are being Unconscious we are making decisions that affect our children without talking to them about it, like getting engaged or dating someone without telling them about it. When we hide things from our children we teach them that it is okay to hide things from us.
When we are being Unconscious we are not encouraging our partners and our children to have open honest relationship with their other parent. That causes a rift between your children and your partner. When you keep another parent from knowing/meeting someone you are in a serious or committed relationship with, you are negatively affecting your children. They will begin to question why this is going on, and if you do not become Conscious and fix the situation when these questions are asked, then you risk ruining their relationship with your partner.
When children are being subjected to Unconscious Parenting they begin to act out and rebel against the injustice that they see and feel. They begin getting into trouble in school, fighting, being disrespectful and acting out in myriad other ways. If we do not become Conscious of what we are doing and how we are causing these things, then they will only get worse. Their rebellion could, and has in some cases, lead them into a situation that has the potential to ruin their lives. They can begin exhibiting everything from violence to promiscuity, trying to TAKE back some control over their lives and situations.
Unconscious Parenting has a horrible effect on everyone. We need to be raising our children in love and awareness. Our children need us to set the example, and if we are not doing that we are absolutely FAILING as parents. Please be Conscious of how you are parenting, remember that your issues with your ex are not your children’s issues. Know that if you raise your children with Love and Consciousness you give them the ability to change the world around them. Your children will love you more and respect you more for doing what is right and NOT what is easy. Until next time, Keep Growing!!!