Releasing our Past and Facing our Darkness

Recently, I’ve been through a roller coaster of emotions surrounding my past, especially my childhood, and I don’t think I am alone in this! I have talked to several people who are working through and dealing with old traumas in their lives. For me, much of my trauma came from my childhood. My father was abusive in all ways and my mother chose to leave when I was only 4. My siblings and I were raised by my father, please understand, he was broken by his experiences too. We never knew a lot about the years before us but, recently, I found out that much of what we did think we knew, was untrue! I knew there were a lot of lies surrounding his life and his early years, but I had no idea just how much. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to assimilate this information, fortunately I’ve spent years working though my feelings and emotions surrounding my father and my childhood, and this has been much easier on me than it would have been a few years ago. I was not devastated by this new information. I feel sadness that my father never felt comfortable or loved enough, in his life, to tell the truth about his past.

My father was amazing at times, and other times he was my worst nightmare come to life. He could be loving and supportive when he chose to be; he could also be violent and venomous when caught in the wrong mood. My childhood helped me to develop my intuition and communication with Spirit! When his mood turned, I would allow myself to drift away mentally, an attempt to escape what was happening around me and to me. It became a game with my siblings and I to see if we could tell his mood before we walked into the house. We always came in quietly, never knowing what we were walking into. As a child, I had no control over my life and my experiences, unfortunately most of those experiences were not good. I can remember being very young, maybe 7 or 8, and swearing that when I was grown, I would never be made to do anything that I didn’t agree with again.

After childhood, I began to “take charge” of relationships and situations in my life. I always thought I needed to be in control and I could not stand to feel as though things were hidden from me. I couldn’t fully trust anyone and it made me have constant doubts and suspicions, especially in relationships. Once my trust was broken, I lost interest quickly, I built walls around my emotions, I would stop expressing myself and bottle things up until I exploded.  These are just a few examples of the way that my trauma played out in my everyday life, without me ever knowing it!!

I spent years, ultimately, battling against myself. I wrecked friendships and relationships alike because I couldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable in any way. I never saw my own damage in it either. I always saw what someone else had done. I wasn’t willing to look at my own issues. Like most people, I was asleep and unable/unwilling to see my own darkness. Please understand that when I speak of darkness, I am speaking of our negative baggage, the things that hold us back from our Purpose and our Highest Good. I am talking about the things that we have internalized through the years that make us feel unable or unworthy of success in any area of our lives.

When I started my Spiritual Journey, I realized that, the only way that you can reach a closer relationship with the Divine, is to reach a closer relationship with yourself. You are Divine and the Divine lives within you. To hear and reach it, you must face your own darkness and clean out your baggage. That’s what it’s all about! I have spent years cleaning up my baggage, and still find hidden little pockets or startling new epiphanies about my actions. We are always learning and growing. Now, a lot of us buck at the idea of looking at our own shortcomings, but when you can see them, and know where they came from and what caused them, you can release them and change the behaviors and actions!! It’s such a wonderful feeling to heal, and see your outer world change with your inner world!

Releasing your old baggage can be hard to do! Sometimes we need help, we need someone who knows how to “trigger” us so that we can release all that pent-up anger and hurt, all the self-doubt and fear. I was blessed to have several mentors along my path that acted as “triggers” for me. I have learned to let go, much more than I used to, and I have learned to see beauty in my flaws. I have learned that all those bits and pieces make me Divinely Unique and I am thankful, for both the pain and the joy. I accept my experiences as both victim and aggressor, but I do not identify as either of these things. So many times, we get lost in the labels that our experiences come with. We become lost in the programming of society and we internalize these negative labels and thoughts. When we learn to release these labels and the expectations that come with them, we can begin to grow and move past them.  We begin to love ourselves enough to see, that we are more than our experiences.

I have learned to “trigger” myself as well, when I recognize a negative behavior that I do not like within myself I work to find its source. When we do this and we ask our Guides, Ascended Masters, Angels, and Higher Selves to help us find and release these damaging behaviors, we begin to understand ourselves better. With better understanding, comes more acceptance of ourselves. If I hadn’t released the trauma of my past, the news about my father that I’ve recently learned, would have destroyed me. I would feel lost and without a physical source because technically, I don’t know where my father came from, I don’t know anything about his childhood. All that I thought I knew was untrue. I have released enough of my old trauma, that I can see clearly, and I know that ultimately, it doesn’t really change anything. It only helps me to better understand the damage that my father had. By seeing his damage, I release my own damage as well and it becomes a Cycle of Healing. That’s what we want to create within our lives, a Cycle of Healing.

Releasing our past and recognizing our damage isn’t easy but it is so worth the work that you put into it! Its emotional and it’s hard sometimes but those are the things that you benefit from the most. Now, I help other’s work through their Emotional Trauma and release it. I found a way to use my experiences to help others, and that’s what we are all here to do, in one way or another. Do you need help releasing your trauma? Are you stuck in the cycle without being able to see the way out? If so, I’m here to help! Know that you aren’t alone, we are all learning and progressing every day. It is a process and everyone is going at exactly the pace they need to for their own evolution. Until next time, Keep experiencing and Keep Growing.

Advertisements

The Voices Within

No human being gets through life unscathed. Our experiences, and how we choose to integrate and relate to them, make up a huge part of who we are. Each of us chooses how we work with our experiences. This, for me, is an Absolute Truth. I grew up in a household with 4 children. Two of us had almost identical experiences within the household and yet we are complete opposites. We chose to integrate those experiences differently. Our own unique Divine Sparks chose to relate to those experiences in the ways that would benefit us the most in our lives. You see, that Divine Spark had a plan for your life, long before you ever drew your first breath.

My Divine Spark has always been something of a rebel. Even as a toddler, not even two, I seemed instinctively bent on defying the status quo. As a child, I always followed my own sense of right and wrong with no thought or care for the consequences of that. Standing up to my parents, friends, siblings, and teachers anytime I felt that something was unfair or just plain wrong. Of course, this wasn’t a behavior that was appreciated or accepted by the adults in my life, especially my father, but we will get into that more later. As I moved through childhood and into adolescents I began to curb this instinct much of the time. I was being taught that my nature, my essence, which can be seen unhindered in every young child, was incorrect.

My Divine Spark would always show itself when it was truly needed. Even as a teenager I never stopped fighting for what I felt was truly right, but in my family, this carried a very heavy price. I had a constant battle within my mind between the Voice of Light and the Voice of Fear. This is how I choose to see the warring thoughts we all hear and deal with. For me, both Voices carried heavy prices, I learned to choose wisely. I learned to analyze a situation and the emotions involved in it from a very young age. Failing to analyze things correctly could have violent consequences. Though the Voice of Fear won at times, the Voice of Light always prevailed.

This Voice of Light held me during my darkest moments, encouraged me when I was drowning in fear and failure. This Voice helped me free myself from my father’s home at 13, even as the Voice of Fear screamed my imminent death for doing so. Though 13 seems so young and innocent to me now, for me, it was long past a time of childhood and innocents. This Voice lead me out of a nasty marriage at the age of 20. An absolute snap of clarity led me over 400 miles from everything I knew, little did I know or understand then, the perfection of my Divine Sparks timing. Shortly after my trek across the US, two things happened; 1. I figured out that I could be completely on my own and the world wouldn’t end, I wouldn’t somehow end up dead and I wasn’t standing on a street corner. These were the things I had been told would happen my entire life, first by my father and then by my husband and my father. 2. One of the greatest blessings in my life, I learned that I was going to be a mother. I learned this life changing fact on Christmas Eve, 1999. Thanks, Santa!

How eerily fitting is it, that as the world was facing the imminence of Y2K, and all the hype and Fear that went with it, I was choosing to destroy my life as I knew it, the Fear feeding my destruction, became my salvation. I stood in the mountains of Pennsylvania under the light of a million stars as the world hurled into the year 2000. I watched the sky explode with fireworks. The smell of gunpowder and the sound of gun fire oddly comforting, a reminder of where I came from. A life I would ultimately begin leaving behind from that time forward. I was no longer my past. I was now creating a new life, both figuratively and literally. As I stood Fearlessly, waiting for the world to end, I knew that My Strength was greater than My Fear. I knew that I would give my life to protect the life that grew within me. I knew that my Divine Spark was in full control, even when I felt out of control. There were times when that belief wavered, when I believed I must have surely lost my way, but each time my Divine Spark would show itself and I would pick myself up and get back to work. The Voice of Fear lead me back into those old haunts and old problems through the years, but it could never make me stay. The Voice of Light and the promises I made that night, to myself and to my child, would always bring me back and have me building anew.

Though the Voice of Light always won the big battles, the Voice of Fear tended to win most of the small battles. Even now I struggle with that nasty Voice as it tells me I cannot accomplish my goals, that I’m undeserving. It is never silent, for anyone, some just listen to it more than others and when it comes to self-doubt, my Voice of Fear works overtime! Knowing this is half the battle, because I know it, I can also subdue it, I just have to see it for what it is, Fear. It is within my nature to face Fear, to feed on the adrenaline and push the limits. For me this becomes a driving force to prove myself, and anyone else who doubts me, wrong. It feeds my Voice of Light and it keeps me striving to improve.

My Divine Spark knows no Fear, only my frail and fragile physical body understands and feels that emotion. It makes it no less real, no less daunting. We are all within a constant struggle between our Divine and our Human. One knows only our course, our purpose, and our absolute beauty; the other only knows our pain, our fear, and our ugliness. We choose at every moment, with every decision, which of these we nurture. Sometimes we choose to nurture the Fear and sometimes we choose to nurture our Divine, but we never choose incorrectly. Even our Fear and our ugliness are beautiful when looked at through the scope of our Divine Spark. These negatives can lead us to the most life altering experiences in our lives, teaching us in a way that only struggle, pain and loss can. The results of these experiences change our realities for better or for worse. The great part though, we can always choose HOW they affect our future experiences. It doesn’t matter how young or how old you are; we can always choose to turn it around. That is the beauty of the design. We can always choose to feed the Voice of Light, the one that tells us that there is something beautiful waiting at the end of this storm, the one that tells us that there is still Hope, the one that tells us we are good and worthy.

The Voice you listen to the most will always be the loudest, if that is the Voice of Fear, it will be harder for you to hear your Voice of Light in the beginning. It will get easier but it is a constant process, it is a constant searching for that whisper in the beginning. When I got in my car on that faithful December day in 1999 to leave my marriage behind, the Voice of Light was barely a whisper, so buried under the years and the weight of my Fear. That tiny whisper was my life-line. The long journey wasn’t without peril and it had more than its fair share of scary moments. My car was old, the heater didn’t work and it decided to completely overheat and stall out at the top of a mountain in West Virginia at about 3 am. I can’t tell you how many times I thought about turning back, that I wondered if I was completely insane, wondered if I would even make it to my destination. The Voice of Light, so quiet that sometimes it was only a feeling within my mind that I can’t really explain, it never stopped telling me it would be okay. Even as I stood on the side of the road in the freezing December cold thinking that surely the semi barreling up the mountain wasn’t going to see my car in time and all that I owned would be gone within a few moments, I knew, somehow, I would be okay. Once again Divine Timing stepped in.

A very sweet lady, I never got her name, just happened to be behind that semi and as he shifted lanes and sailed on by, she stopped and helped me push my car to the side of the road. She gave me a ride to a 24-hour service station a few exits up. She was on her way to work, a shift she typically didn’t work and she was already running late so she chose to take the highway rather than her typical back roads route. Though my Voice of Light was barely a whisper, the Divine was loud and clear in its signs and signals. I knew right then that no matter what happened or what I had to do, there was no turning back.

With my car repaired, I headed out anew, the Voice of Light was just a little louder now. I let out a giggle and knew that I would be okay. I knew that I was protected in a way I couldn’t explain and by something far greater than I could have ever imagined. I remembered the Love I had known as a child and I opened my heart to allow in the Hope of feeling that Love again. Today, my Voice of Light is like a dear old friend, I hear it as clearly as I hear my own voice and I follow it with all the Love and Passion I can! Until next time, Keep Growing!

Divine Timing

Sometimes the Universe/Divine has a way of placing us exactly where we are needed the most. I had that experience this week, in the oddest of ways! The last few days have been grueling but they have also been more rewarding than I can even begin to understand now. Let me begin by saying that I typically always look for ways to expand my spirituality but this week my focus was on my children as I had several important events going on with them. I do not live in the same town as my 4 younger children and so my schedule would keep me away from home for a few days. Typically, I would take my oldest daughter Samantha with me however, I opted to let her stay home with our roommate instead, she is 17 and I didn’t want her to have to miss classes.

As we would be in the area for a few days we thought we would visit some friends and catch up a bit but that didn’t work out quite as planned! I ended up getting extremely ill on Wednesday night and was barely able to make it to my next destination on Thursday morning, let alone do much visiting! I hadn’t slept and I was exhausted from the sickness but I was feeling more myself by Thursday afternoon and of course, my work had found me! I was staying with a dear friend and fellow Spiritual worker on Thursday night and she and I rarely have an opportunity to get together so there was much to do and catch up on!! We napped a bit Thursday but the work kept us busy and wide awake until around 7:30 am on Friday morning!! I was due for another meeting at 11:30 across town so a quick nap was all I had time for, once again. It has now been about 48 hours and I’ve had 4 hours of rest, I’ve worked extensively with my Spiritual work throughout the day and night and I’ve also been ill. Needless to say, I’m zapped!!!!

Well, sometimes that’s exactly when you get the call to step up and move into Divine action! I typically don’t travel without my partner/twin flame and this was no exception. Billy was driving and I was double checking my directions when I hear him exclaim and look up just in time to see a vehicle grinding to a halt in the center of an intersection right in front of us. The front of the car was smashed in and the horn was blaring. The driver is slumped over with blood running down his face. I looked around for the other vehicle and I finally see it on the other side of the road with the driver’s side crushed in.  We can see that the people inside are awake and moving as we screech to a halt ourselves and fly from our vehicle desperate to do whatever we can to help and praying that everyone is okay. Billy barrels straight towards the car sitting in the intersection, as I wait for 911 to come on the line and propel myself towards the other vehicle. Another man comes running from the opposite direction to help Billy with the man who is injured.

The door is pinned closed from the impact and Billy had to wrench it open, the man inside is barely conscious and not coherent at all. Thankfully, the three elderly individuals within the other vehicle were okay, though very shaken and in need of a good once over. The injured gentleman is behaving as if he is unclear about what happened and what is going on. He is refusing the help of Billy and the other gentleman, preferring to attempt to move his car and close himself in the car until EMS could arrive on the scene. Even refusing the towel that had been brought to try to stop the blood flow from his head wound. Oddly enough it was taking an inordinately long time for them to show up! We waited at least 10 to 15 minutes for EMS and then another 10 or 15 for the police so that we could give our statement. Imagine our surprise when we found that the reason for the delayed arrival was that there was a threat to a local high school!!

This was once my hometown. I went to the very high school which was under threat!! My children had friends within that school. Our prayers went out to all the people being affected by this and we fervently prayed for the safety of everyone involved but our focus at that moment had to be on the situation in front of us. This was my first trip home in almost a year, so imagine my surprise to find myself so surrounded with chaos!

Billy and I along with the one other gentleman were the only people to stop for this accident. We had made an unexpected stop only minutes before and if we had not made that stop we would not have been where we were most needed. Of all the things to stop for, Chapstick! The accident and the threat to the high school all happened within minutes of each other and everyone was tied up and across town from where the accident occurred. If we had been moments sooner or later, we either wouldn’t have been there or we would have been in the midst of it. All that we could do was say a prayer of thanks for the Divine Timing we knew was at work. Everyone was okay, the injuries were fairly minor, Fire & Rescue cut the cables and shut off the horn and by the time the police were able to arrive EMS and Fire & Rescue had everything well under control. The vehicles were totaled and it is a wonder that the outcome was so good. We had expected the worst when we ran from our vehicle.

There were so many other experiences and Spiritual things that happened during the trip that Billy and I talked all the way home last night about our experiences and what they meant. We knew that the trip had been a good one, we knew that we had been exactly where we were meant to be when we were meant to be there, not just with the accident but in so many other big and small ways as well! We had decided at the last possible moment (literally right before leaving home on Wednesday morning) that we were going to stay in the area rather than traveling back and forth on Wednesday and then again on Friday.  We left home Wednesday knowing that we were supposed to stay in the area for those two night but not yet even knowing where we were going to be staying!! We were simply following the Divine Urgings that we were both feeling.

I didn’t leave home on this trip expecting to come home so changed by my experiences, but I can say I am thrilled I did! I was reminded of my purpose and my passion. I was reminded of my mission and my commitment. I was reminded that life is precious and oh so fleeting, it must be grasped immediately. I came home oddly renewed and ready to get busy. The experiences that had the greatest effect were the ones that we weren’t expecting, it wasn’t the work we planned for but it was the work we were meant to do. This was a reminder that more than anything, we are meant to always be ready to serve and care for our fellow beings. Be aware and pay attention to those inner urgings, you never know when they are leading you to exactly where you need to be. I have so many other experiences to share with you from the last few days but I will save those for another time. Until next time, Keep Growing!!!

Which God Are You Following??

Occasionally, you hear something that just strikes a chord deep inside of you. This morning my daughter came in all excited and asked me to watch a video she found because it discussed something that I talk to her and all my children about all the time. It was a video of Chris Crocker and he was talking about accepting other’s and not trying to push your beliefs on others. He asked a single question in this video that got me thinking. He’s question was this:

“Are you loving the God that made Man or are you loving the God that Man-made??”

Okay, let’s think about this for a second!! We know that there are certain things that every faith has in common; helping your fellow man, loving one another, Karma/reaping what you sow, etc. These are the things that each religion has. We all know that these are the things that are absolute. These are the things that the God that made Man asked for. The Bible and Holy books can be a bit confusing, sometimes they say love and care for one another and other times it says that we should shun and turn away from some people. Man, wrote these books, with all his flaws and all his own agenda’s. Of course, it contradicts itself at times!! You cannot have several people trying to write the same book and expect it to all fit together properly. God tells us even in the Bible that it is written in riddles, He speaks in riddles and that “Those with eyes to see and ears to hear” would be able to unravel the riddles. I think that this is talking about being able to discern the difference between the Word of God and the Word of Man.

So, we know that the God that made Man talks of unity and caring for one another. It talks of accepting and encouraging one another. We are told very clearly to not judge others or that we will be judged. The entire message of Christ was about being selflessly in service to your fellow man. He did not perform wonders and miracles for his own benefit, he performed them for the benefit of others. Just as those of us with Spiritual Gifts, such as prophecy, cannot use them on our own, we can only use them for the benefit of other’s. Healing and discernment are the only Spiritual Gift that I have found which we can use on ourselves. We know that LOVE is the ultimate gift that we are given, and the ultimate gift that we can give.

Then what comes from the God that Man-made? Well, those things should be very easy to spot, right? They would be the things that DO NOT promote unity and love. We have such a hard time seeing that these things are of the God that Man-made! We stand within our churches and our homes and we judge other’s in the name of God. We tell people who to love, what to think and believe, we tell people that they cannot be different, they cannot follow their own heart’s calling. We tell people that we will not love them if they do not fit into our image of what is Godly, but are we really doing the things that are Godly? Are we discerning the difference between these two Gods? Do we even see that there is a difference? Sadly, a majority does not.

The God that Man-made tells us that we have a right to hurt other’s. People are disowning their children, grandchildren, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, life-long friends, and mentors, all because they are worshiping the God that Man-made! We believe that we are justified in this behavior because they are doing something or practicing something that we don’t agree with or that we don’t like. We tell ourselves that it is okay to try to force the people around us to follow our way. We make excuses for our bad behavior. Behavior that they would judge harshly if it was happening to them. Can you imagine it? What if you were shunned because you DID believe in Christ? Turned out of your family and your home because you loved someone of the OPPOSITE sex? Would we be okay with that or would we begin to yell about prejudice? Where would religion be if Christ had treated everyone the same way that we are treating people now? Do you believe that he would deny healing to an AIDS patient just because they loved someone of the same sex? Did he place conditions on his miracles? What if he had been told that the Leper was a drunk and a cheat, do you think he would have denied him healing?  I don’t think he would have either!

Let’s look at one more thing, the God that Made Man teaches (via Christ) that He came here to help and minister to those who were lost and forgotten. He wanted the meanest, most troubled people because they were the ones that needed LOVE the most. If that is the case then by judging other’s and shunning them because they are different, we are going completely against what He taught and we are worshiping the God that Man-made. We cannot reach people through hate, history has shown this repeatedly, so why are we still practicing it?

Please don’t mistake my message here, I am not telling you that you shouldn’t worship the God of your choice. Follow the calling in your heart, but do not get caught up in the judgment and negativity. LOVE and know that you do not need anyone else to justify that belief. You do not need to hurt anyone to prove your Love for God. You do not need to shun anyone. You do not need to push anyone to believe as you do. Use the discernment of your Heart and your Spirit to know that anything that creates pain and negativity cannot come from the God that Made Man. The God that Made Man asks nothing other than for us to LOVE and to BE LOVED. Until next time, Keep Growing!!

Conscious Parenting

  The majority of children today come from broken homes, splitting their time between their parents. We know that it is extremely important for children to have a loving and open relationship with both parents. Lately, I am seeing a lot of Unconscious Parenting meaning parents that are not choosing to be Consciously aware of how their actions affect their children.

  Parenting is one of the most important roles we can take on. We have an obligation to raise our children in a loving environment. Conscious Parenting is the ability to see how your choices affect your children and allows them to have a say in their day to day lives. When we are not doing this, we have a very negative effect on our children and their relationships with us and with others.

  When I divorced, I made a choice to commit to Conscious Parenting. I chose to be honest with them about my choice to divorce their father, I told them that I was in love with another, even though I knew that it might affect the way that they saw me. I chose to tell them that I would always care for and love their father, but that we just weren’t able to be together anymore. I stressed the fact that we BOTH love them and that we were both trying to do what we felt was best for them and for each other.

  I work very hard towards Conscious Parenting so that my kids know that I will be open with them and that they can be open with me. Billy (my fiance) and I have always made it an absolute point to have open friendly conversation with the father of my children. Billy and my ex have always known one another and had communication with each other. I have ensured that they have each other’s phone numbers and Billy will occasionally initiate contact with their father if he feels it necessary. I have always encouraged this relationship because I believe that it is good for our children to see that we are open and friendly with one another.

  Conscious Parenting means that you choose to make the best choice for your children regardless of the inconvenience it may cause you. It means that you encourage your children to talk to BOTH of their parents openly and honestly. You encourage your partners to create a comfortable and supportive environment. You do not bad mouth or speak negatively about EITHER parent and you don’t allow anyone else to do that either.

  Conscious Parenting shows our children that even in difficult situations we can choose to put aside our differences and work together towards a common goal. It shows that both parents are invested in giving them the best life and the most opportunities. When we are not doing this we see it play out negatively in the lives of our children.

  When we are practicing Unconscious Parenting, we are not thinking about how our actions are affecting our children. We begin to say and do inappropriate things in front of them and this begins to cause problems in their relationships with BOTH parents. They become angry at the parent who is being Unconscious and they do not feel that they can have an honest open relationship with EITHER parent. When we are being Unconscious we are making decisions that affect our children without talking to them about it, like getting engaged or dating someone without telling them about it. When we hide things from our children we teach them that it is okay to hide things from us.

  When we are being Unconscious we are not encouraging our partners and our children to have open honest relationship with their other parent. That causes a rift between your children and your partner. When you keep another parent from knowing/meeting someone you are in a serious or committed relationship with, you are negatively affecting your children. They will begin to question why this is going on, and if you do not become Conscious and fix the situation when these questions are asked, then you risk ruining their relationship with your partner.

  When children are being subjected to Unconscious Parenting they begin to act out and rebel against the injustice that they see and feel. They begin getting into trouble in school, fighting, being disrespectful and acting out in myriad other ways. If we do not become Conscious of what we are doing and how we are causing these things, then they will only get worse. Their rebellion could, and has in some cases, lead them into a situation that has the potential to ruin their lives. They can begin exhibiting everything from violence to promiscuity, trying to TAKE back some control over their lives and situations.

  Unconscious Parenting has a horrible effect on everyone. We need to be raising our children in love and awareness. Our children need us to set the example, and if we are not doing that we are absolutely FAILING as parents. Please be Conscious of how you are parenting, remember that your issues with your ex are not your children’s issues. Know that if you raise your children with Love and Consciousness you give them the ability to change the world around them. Your children will love you more and respect you more for doing what is right and NOT what is easy. Until next time, Keep Growing!!!

Soul Knowledge & Ecstatic Awakenings

   Have you ever had an absolute moment of clarity on a difficult situation/experience/decision that you are facing in your life? I have had these moments of Soul Knowledge several times. This happens when your Higher Self or Soul Consciousness steps in to offer you information and comfort. Let me try to explain a bit of what I mean with an experience of my own:

   At the age of 27 I faced several life threatening health related experiences. It started with preeclampsia during my 3rd pregnancy which resulted in my son going into distress and requiring an emergency C-section. I was waiting approximately an hour for my physician to get there, listening to my son’s heart skip 2 or 3 beats at a time. It was one of the scariest moments of my life and it began a spiral of physical issues for me. I was readmitted 4 days after my release because I became Septic after my emergency c-section, I spent another 4 days admitted. It took me several months to recover fully from all this, I couldn’t stand straight for over 3 months without pain.

   Three months after my physician performed my postpartum exam, I received a call saying that they had found abnormal cells during my exam and that I needed to come in for a biopsy. Once again I was terrified as cancer runs in my family. I set the appointment and convinced my then-husband to accompany me. As I laid upon the table and allowed them to take the biopsies they needed a beautiful calm came over me and I heard “You need to prepare, these biopsies will come back cancerous.” This was an absolute and I knew to the core of my being that what I was being told was true. Even through the peace I cried, I had no idea at that point what cancer would mean for me or for my family. I was a mother of 3 small children, a wife, daughter, sister.

   This was absolute Soul Knowledge, this was my Higher Self/Soul Consciousness trying to prepare me. I walked out of the office with tears in my eyes and very calmly told my husband what I had been told. He was raised in a very strictly religious family and though he didn’t follow their beliefs fully at the time, he still had no understanding or belief in Spirit Communication. He became very angry and adamantly admonished me for saying that it would come back as cancer. I never left the peace I had found on the exam table, I also refused to change what I was saying. He became so enraged by my refusal to disclaim my experience that he got out of our vehicle and walked/hitchhiked home!

   It was a two week wait for the results of the biopsies. Throughout that time I was admonished numerous times for stating it would come back as cancer, I was told/encouraged to have a positive outlook and expectation. I heard this from friends, family, my pastor and church family; it seemed that everyone discredited what I couldn’t deny. When you receive Soul Knowledge it is absolute and resolute. You have no anger as you explain it nor do you feel anger at those who don’t understand it. You just KNOW.

   The Sunday after I received this Soul Knowledge, the pastor at church asked that anyone in need of prayer come to the front of the church and allow he and the elders to pray over them. This is not something I typically do however, on that day I felt that it was important for me to go up. The pastor himself chose to pray over/with me. I remember telling the Divine that I knew what the results would be and I only asked that it not be a burden to my children and family. I was so scared of what that big bad Cancer word meant. The fear suddenly welled up inside of me and tears began to stream down my face as the pastor prayed. All of that fear and anguish came crashing over me in an overwhelming wave and I remember feeling lost in the undercurrent of it, my body bent and bowed under the weight of it. The pastor placed his hands on my head as the sobbing tears gripped me and suddenly everything that I was feeling changed!

   The fear and anguish were ripped away as suddenly as they came, replaced by this ecstatic joy and love that I had NEVER felt before!! I was still sobbing but now it was mixed with spontaneous laughter and with this overwhelming sense of Love, Peace and Joy! I had an Ecstatic Awakening!! I suddenly KNEW that this cancer was not going to take anything away from me. I KNEW that it was a small part of a much bigger plan and somehow in that moment I understood EVERYTHING about that plan and I knew that it was for me and me alone. I KNEW that I had way to much work to do for this to take me. I KNEW that there was a much bigger plan and purpose behind EVERY experience I had ever gone through. This Ecstatic Awakening changed me, it changed the way that I thought about things, even things that had happened long ago, not just the cancer. Before it was said and done the entire congregation was giggling at my absolute Joy! The excitement and loving joy stayed with me all day and I remember just spending the day giving thanks to the Divine for this experience and for all of the blessings in my life that I could suddenly see so clearly.

   That night I had a dream that was so vivid I can still see it clearly today. I saw myself from a 3rd person perspective and I knew I was looking at what was to come for me. I was looking at the destination, it wasn’t necessary to know the stops along the way. As I watched myself in awe, I once again heard the voice of my Higher Self/Soul Consciousness. “This is what you are working towards, this is your purpose. It will take time, but you WILL get there. Just keep moving forward.” I woke my then-husband at around 4am bouncing off the walls! I woke with so much joy and excitement that I just couldn’t hold it in! Of course he wasn’t very receptive due to his sleep getting interrupted but he listened to me rattle on about it anyway. That vision has always been with me since then, when I fear what lies before me, I see it once more and my fear lessens.

   I’ve had several moments of Soul Knowledge and Ecstatic Awakening, they always seem to happen very close together, I believe that this is because they cause an ascension or a raise in your vibration, however you wish to term it. These moments are a precious gift and the more you “do the work” towards improving yourself and growing Spiritually, the more often you get to experience them. When we experience something more than once we begin to be able to stay longer in those experiences. I believe that full Enlightenment is simply figuring out how to stay in a constant state of Ecstatic Awakening.

  I’ll share more of my experiences with Soul Knowledge and Ecstatic Awakenings later! Have you experienced these feelings? I’d love to hear about your experiences!! Until next time, Keep Growing!!

What are Streams of Consciousness?

   We all have a different name for Spiritual Growth. We call it everything from “getting right with God” to “raising our vibration”. It all basically means the same things, we are trying to become better human beings. We are trying to become more loving, accepting, forgiving and giving. We are trying to grow towards our Spiritual Maturity aka Enlightenment, Awakened, Oneness, Christed, Holy, etc. When we are working towards this worthy and arduous goal, we are constantly changing our way of thinking and this is what I call Streams of Consciousness.

   As we grow and we move towards this Spiritual Maturity, our thoughts and idealisms change constantly. We open and expand at every new level of thinking, at every new understanding. At times this can be an epiphany or what seems like a huge influx of information, for me this is a change in your Stream of Consciousness. We can slip in and out of a new Stream of Consciousness several times before we finally grasp it enough to stay within it.

   The best analogy I can give is this: Think of a huge interstate in a giant city, where the off-shoots and exits spin off to the left and right, all going to different places and yet the same place all together. This is how I see our Streams of Consciousness. Each exit brings about new places and experiences but it doesn’t change the ultimate destination. Just like on an interstate, there are times you must weave your way through the traffic and congestion (lower vibrational behaviors such as anger, jealousy and greed) to reach the Stream you wish to be in but, you can always manage to get there, even if you have to take a few detours along the way.

   Our internal work helps to move us into new Streams of Consciousness as well. When we have old anger, fear and resentment and we do the work to remove those negative emotions from ourselves, we typically find ourselves viewing those situations and experiences in a completely new light. This is because, with the removal of those negative emotions, we can reach a new understanding of how our experiences have shaped us and those around us. We begin to see how those who we have seen as enemies, are ultimately victims themselves. We begin to see where we ourselves are causing some of the same pain in others that was caused within us. We begin to understand where others have failed to grow and learn from their own experiences, and how that led to even more negative experiences for them and for those close to them.

   As a child I was abused sexually, mentally and physically. For several years, well into my adulthood, I was full of anger and fear. I was angry at my experiences and I was angry at my father for forcing those experiences on me. I became violent as a teenager and lashed out at everyone, my anger over my experiences destroyed more friendships and relationships than I care to mention. I found myself in this constant loop of destruction and I didn’t know how to get out, it was like being on a roundabout and just continuing to circle. The cars around me may have changed but ultimately I was getting nowhere. Around the age of 23 I found a dear friend and mentor who told me to let it out, no matter what that looked like. I was told to scream and rage at God if necessary but that I had to get all the anger out in order to see anything beyond that. She worked with me for months before I finally got to a place within myself that I could see more than my anger. Once I finally did, I was astounded at what I found!

   Once I could speak of my experiences without filling with rage or shame, my mentor began to ask me questions about my father’s own childhood. The more we spoke the more I realized how broken he had been by his own experiences. Suddenly my anger towards him changed to something totally different, it changed to sadness and remorse for the person he could have been.

   I found a new Stream of Consciousness: Forgiveness. I need to stress that this didn’t cause me to see the experiences I went through as any less wrong but, it helped me understand that the only way to change the future for myself and my own children was to grow past the Stream of Consciousness that I was raised in. I can still detour from that Stream of Consciousness at times and become angry and frustrated as we are all apt to do however, the more time that passes the more I find that I stay in that Stream of Consciousness. Now when I detour off course, I catch myself much faster and I recognize the things within myself that are triggering that response. This makes it so much easier to get back into the right Stream again!!

  We are all following the Stream of Consciousness best suited for us at the moment for optimal learning and growth. Right now, I find myself on a Stream of Consciousness that is all about SELF-Forgiveness. This stream of Consciousness is still rather new and hard to stay in at the moment but as always, it’ll get easier with practice!!

   Keep reaching for your next and newest Stream of Consciousness and know that even if it is hard to maintain that Stream, the fact that you’ve found it means that you are growing!! Just keep pushing yourself and keep finding ways to do the internal work!! Until next time, Keep Growing!!